Thank you....

Wow! I cannot believe that I haven't posted in months...since before summer even began and now, alas, it is on its way out. It has been a crazy summer. One of ups and just as many downs. We've had some adjusting to do in our family with the arrival of Jacob. It hasn't been an easy road, but looking back now on the past few months, it has been a rewarding and educational one.

During the worst of times, there were moments when I really thought I might lose my mind. Jake-even now still-sometimes would just fuss and cry ALL day. Generally, there's no such thing as naps with Jacob. And I would find myself crying and fussing all day too! I could go into specifics, but suffice it to say that for the past month, we've been battling severe reflux and a poop issue that has involved some horrible testing. Also, I've collected more stool samples in more ingenious manners than I ever thought possible. And despite the distress I was under, I knew my littlest guy was experiencing worse. Sometimes, when he was in pain and crying, he'd look at me as if to say 'you're my mama, you are supposed to protect me from pain.' Of course, I'd give my life to protect him from knowing pain, but we all know that is just not possible in this world. But knowing that does not ease my guilt...the worst kind...the kind that strikes at me and has left its scars.

The stress has just been palpable at times. Poor Luke. He just didn't know what to do with a crying mama and baby brother! For all of his tantrums and frustrating questions, he, this little 30 month old guy, has been my life boat. He's been a source of pride and joy and humor. Gosh, how this kid makes me laugh and smile. Every day I grow more amazed at what he's learned or the kind of laughter he can bring. Even on those nights when all I wanted to do was run upstairs and hide,Luke would say or do something and I would just burst out laughing and thank God for such a blessing in my life.

Jacob is another blessing, of course. I know he'll get through this phase and we'll be stronger for it. I know because when he falls asleep on my chest, listening to my heart beat, I feel us connected. I know because when he giggles at all my kisses on his face or shoots me his flirty smile, that there is so much happiness for he and I to discover together, just as Luke and I do. And finally, I know when I see my oldest boy singing and tickling my youngest and hear those shrieks of delight, that all will be okay and everything is alright.

I've realized that God sends us children to allow us to experience joy and to teach us life lessons. I know there's lessons for me to learn here and I already know the joy. So thank you to my boys, Luke and Jake for all I've learned and yet to learn, and most especially for all the joy and the joy to come.