Kindergarten Fears

Dear Luke: I can hardly believe that it's almost time for you to enter kindergarten. You are 5 1/2 years old and lately I look at you and I'm not sure where the time went. I know this is a common conundrum for parents everywhere, but I'm still amazed by you. I think back to my tiny, chubby, baby boy who screamed for hours every day as a newborn beginning at 4pm. I remember how you had to be swaddled tightly for the first 6 months of your life. I remember just holding you in my arms while you napped. And I remember the countless hours we spent playing trains, drawing/coloring and just hanging out together. Now, you are such a big kid! You and your friends now play with little interference from me or any other mom and I'm just stunned at how you've flourished in just 2 years. I still remember that shy little boy who wouldn't leave my legs at the playground; the little boy who would rather hang out with me than explore the Play Area at Chick-Fil-A. Now, there's no stopping you. Now, you ask me to leave. You are so strong and independent and I've loved every moment of watching you grow. I'm going to miss you so much this year. Admittedly, part of it is selfish. You are so easy going and laid back; Jake and I are the emotional, temperamental ones and sometimes I am nervous how we'll survive each other without your even keeled personality to balance it all out. And I am sad for Jake who will lose his best and most favorite playmate for most hours of the day, most days of the week. And though I know that because you are so much like your Dad, everyone will love you--teachers and kids alike, I still worry. You will be making your own friends now. And that is hard for me. For the past 2 years, it's been ME searching out friends for you, via the mom's group. And you've made some wonderful, amazing, true friends. But, I'm entering into unknown waters here and I'm not sure how this whole social situation goes for a 5 year old, but I know it's just the beginning and I trust in you to make good friends and good choices, but it's still worrisome. I worry you'll be left out or feel sad and I won't be there to buffer it or make it better. I know that's part of growing up and you are so delightful and funny and charming (DIMPLES!) that it will be okay; better than okay, but I'm your mom and I still worry. We'll get through this together, you and I. We always have and we always will; we've been through a lot of challenges, you and I. And you continually surprise me with how intelligent and observant you really are about the world. The ups and downs of this first year of school will be challenging and wonderful all at once. As much as I dread it, I will embrace it--at least until summer vacation, when I'll have you home with me again, if only for a little while.