Wow! I cannot believe that I haven't posted in months...since before summer even began and now, alas, it is on its way out. It has been a crazy summer. One of ups and just as many downs. We've had some adjusting to do in our family with the arrival of Jacob. It hasn't been an easy road, but looking back now on the past few months, it has been a rewarding and educational one.
During the worst of times, there were moments when I really thought I might lose my mind. Jake-even now still-sometimes would just fuss and cry ALL day. Generally, there's no such thing as naps with Jacob. And I would find myself crying and fussing all day too! I could go into specifics, but suffice it to say that for the past month, we've been battling severe reflux and a poop issue that has involved some horrible testing. Also, I've collected more stool samples in more ingenious manners than I ever thought possible. And despite the distress I was under, I knew my littlest guy was experiencing worse. Sometimes, when he was in pain and crying, he'd look at me as if to say 'you're my mama, you are supposed to protect me from pain.' Of course, I'd give my life to protect him from knowing pain, but we all know that is just not possible in this world. But knowing that does not ease my guilt...the worst kind...the kind that strikes at me and has left its scars.
The stress has just been palpable at times. Poor Luke. He just didn't know what to do with a crying mama and baby brother! For all of his tantrums and frustrating questions, he, this little 30 month old guy, has been my life boat. He's been a source of pride and joy and humor. Gosh, how this kid makes me laugh and smile. Every day I grow more amazed at what he's learned or the kind of laughter he can bring. Even on those nights when all I wanted to do was run upstairs and hide,Luke would say or do something and I would just burst out laughing and thank God for such a blessing in my life.
Jacob is another blessing, of course. I know he'll get through this phase and we'll be stronger for it. I know because when he falls asleep on my chest, listening to my heart beat, I feel us connected. I know because when he giggles at all my kisses on his face or shoots me his flirty smile, that there is so much happiness for he and I to discover together, just as Luke and I do. And finally, I know when I see my oldest boy singing and tickling my youngest and hear those shrieks of delight, that all will be okay and everything is alright.
I've realized that God sends us children to allow us to experience joy and to teach us life lessons. I know there's lessons for me to learn here and I already know the joy. So thank you to my boys, Luke and Jake for all I've learned and yet to learn, and most especially for all the joy and the joy to come.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Saturday, May 16, 2009
10 Years Ago...
So, my birthday is in a few weeks (as my dear husband reminded me!)! I NEVER forget my birthday--as soon as May pops up, I'm always so excited for my special day, so you know I've been busy and sleep deprived when that happens! Anyways, I will be 31 years old! To me, that sounds old--I know it is not really in the grand scheme of things, but to think that 10 years ago, I was only turning 21--just becoming an adult--I wasn't even out of college yet--wow! The funny thing is, I don't feel 31 (whatever that should feel like!)--I still feel like I'm 21--until I look in the mirror and realize I see some aging on my face from my years spent in the sun and my body changed due to the beautiful babies I gave birth to. It's a bit shocking now to read in magazines that I need to start prepping my skin with anti-aging creams/washes. Seriously? Just yesterday it seems I was reading about using washes to keep my skin healthy and pure...but ah, that was my 20's.
Now, I got to thinking about all this not solely because of my birthday, but because of something that happened while I was out driving the other day. It was a gorgeous, warm spring day here in Virginia. I was kid-free because I was on my way to the dentist (who-hoo!). I was wearing one of the few pants and t-shirts that still fit me--dark brown khakis and an orange t-shirt with brown Sketcher sneakers. My dark, autumnal colors stood in stark contrast to the beautiful, sunny day we were having. However, I still felt pretty good about myself because I had makeup on and my hair was actually blowdried (both a rarity since having a newborn!). Until that is, I saw a cute convertible with about 5 young blonde girls in it...their hair still perfect despite the convertible top down, their music blaring, all with cute tank tops and shades on and their skin perfectly bronzed. Suddenly, they look over at me and I am now painfully aware of what I look like in my dark, dowdy clothes and driving my minivan. Ouch! I am SO a mom and I'm old!!
While this got me feeling down, initially; in the end, I'm okay with it, because yes I AM a mom and I DO drive a mini-van and yes, I DO have to work at getting back into my pre-pregnancy clothes. BUT, I wouldn't trade any of it because I have a great husband and two deliciously sweet, cute little boys who make my life so rich and wonderful. Because I get to hear the sound of Luke's little feet as he runs around the house screaming "I love you mama!" Because I get to watch Jake smile peacefully as he sleeps in my arms. Because I married my best friend. And yes, at times they frustrate me (all 3 of them!) and make me exhausted, but they also love and adore me--even in my dowdy clothes and my hair unwashed in a scrappy pony tail! And that is a love you don't trade for ANYTHING!
So bring it on, 31...I can't wait until I'm 41 and get to reflect back on these 10 years.
Now, I got to thinking about all this not solely because of my birthday, but because of something that happened while I was out driving the other day. It was a gorgeous, warm spring day here in Virginia. I was kid-free because I was on my way to the dentist (who-hoo!). I was wearing one of the few pants and t-shirts that still fit me--dark brown khakis and an orange t-shirt with brown Sketcher sneakers. My dark, autumnal colors stood in stark contrast to the beautiful, sunny day we were having. However, I still felt pretty good about myself because I had makeup on and my hair was actually blowdried (both a rarity since having a newborn!). Until that is, I saw a cute convertible with about 5 young blonde girls in it...their hair still perfect despite the convertible top down, their music blaring, all with cute tank tops and shades on and their skin perfectly bronzed. Suddenly, they look over at me and I am now painfully aware of what I look like in my dark, dowdy clothes and driving my minivan. Ouch! I am SO a mom and I'm old!!
While this got me feeling down, initially; in the end, I'm okay with it, because yes I AM a mom and I DO drive a mini-van and yes, I DO have to work at getting back into my pre-pregnancy clothes. BUT, I wouldn't trade any of it because I have a great husband and two deliciously sweet, cute little boys who make my life so rich and wonderful. Because I get to hear the sound of Luke's little feet as he runs around the house screaming "I love you mama!" Because I get to watch Jake smile peacefully as he sleeps in my arms. Because I married my best friend. And yes, at times they frustrate me (all 3 of them!) and make me exhausted, but they also love and adore me--even in my dowdy clothes and my hair unwashed in a scrappy pony tail! And that is a love you don't trade for ANYTHING!
So bring it on, 31...I can't wait until I'm 41 and get to reflect back on these 10 years.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Reflux, allergies, and colic, oh my!
So, my second son, Jake, was supposed to be the "easy baby." With my first son, Luke, we had a rough first 15 months. He was born with torticollis; he had silent reflux; screamed for 2 hours EVERY day for weeks; was on several different formulas before we found one that would help w/ his reflux; went through food texture issues in which he would vomit on anything thicker than purees; and was literally sick every week once he entered daycare; and finally, got ear tubes put in and adenoids taken out; not to mention that he didn't sleep through the night until he was a year old! Now, we have been generally blessed and things could always have been worse and thankfully, all of his issues have been resolved! However, as first years go, I'm surprised we even wanted to have another baby!
But alas, that is how mother nature works...she is able to make those memories fade just a bit so that it doesn't seem so bad at all. So, God blessed us a second time and Jacob was born. He is my sweet, adorable little baby boy and I never thought I could love another son as much as I love Luke--but of course, I do. However, although I should have been better prepared that having a baby is not all cuddles and sweetness, I was blindsided again.
It started when he was 2 weeks old with us finding blood in his stool. So, we brought countless poop samples to Jake's doc who tested it for everything. Unbelieveably, he tested positive for a staph food poisoning infection. What? How does a 2 week old get that? Well, it likely came from someone's skin or perhaps it was on his own skin and somehow ended up in the poop sample. Seriously? I'm a germaphobe to all who know me well. I wash my hands twice after coming in from the stores, public, etc. You will find hand gel at every sink I own and wet wipes in every vehicle and purse. Yet still, my newborn contracts such an infection. Luckily, no treatment is needed; it's the kind of thing that just clears up on its own.
So, two weeks and five formulas later, we are on the gold standard of formulas--Elecare, which you cannot even buy in the store--it gets delivered to your home. I won't even discuss how much it costs; thank goodness for insurance is all I can say. As that was being resolved, Jake started getting very fussy every single waking moment and THEN, the vomitting started. On the worst day, he vomitted something like 14 times after one feeding. It was horrific. Another doctor's visit and one trip to the radiologist for an Upper GI at MWH later, severe acid reflux was diagnosed. Zantac did nothing for my little guy and a week later, we saw a GI specialist at Children's in WDC, who prescribed prevacid. It took about a week, but the vomitting stopped and now he is just a normal spit-uppy baby! However, the colic still hadn't ceased. Now, most ped doctors agree that the generic term 'colic' usually means that the baby is suffereing from a milk allergy or acid reflux. We had eliminated both of those possibilities with the Elecare formula and the prevacid. It was getting really tough for me since every waking moment was filled with Jake's screaming. The only relief came when he was eating or sleeping. Poor Luke, who has been really great during this, now says, "Jake always crying." I felt horrible because I just wanted Jake to be happy and not feel miserable EVERY moment of his little life; not to mention, I was going insane with all the crying. Unlike with Luke, there was no rhyme or reason to it. Luke cried from 4 pm - 6 pm every day; at least I could expect it. Jake didn't want to be so considerate! I mean, this kid didn't like the swing (and I have 2 different kinds!), the baby bjorn, swaddling, shushing, rocking-NOTHING! The nighttime feedings were also increasing as my sleep and patience were decreasing. Finally, I decided to try Dr. Brown's bottles (at the very gentle reminder from my mom that they worked for Luke). However, I never thought I would need to do that for Jake, prior to his birth. I expected to be able to use plain ole Similac with the easy, cheaper Playtex bottles. Finally, I succumbed to the fact that this is not going to be easy and life does not guarentee you an easy baby. So, we spent the money on the bottles and I figured out a system to make the formula ahead of time (to lessen the bubbles) and hold my breath and pray.
Well, God answered. Jake is doing much better thus far with the premade hypo- allergenic formula and Dr. Brown's bottles AND prevacid. Phew! It's been a long 6 weeks, but this too shall pass, right?
Now, he is a much more smiley baby and fusses maybe only half the time he's awake! :-) I think he senses he can melt my heart with his cute smile; I'm in trouble when he gets older! ;-)
Oh and my salvations for the times that continue to be fussy (b/c he is, after all, still only 6 wks old!)---vibrating bouncy chair; warm bath; and exercise ball. That exercise ball has served me well with my children, if not my weight--it helped me go into labor with Luke and helps me quiet down Jake!
I just said to Andy the other day, "You know, Jake was supposed to be our easy baby--no acid reflux, no colic, no chasing down formulas, no specialists..." Well, there are no guarentees in life and as long as he is generally healthy and continues to grow and thrive, all is good. But, mother nature--do not think you can fool me again. Thank you very much, but we are done having children. Blessed twice is enough for us!
But alas, that is how mother nature works...she is able to make those memories fade just a bit so that it doesn't seem so bad at all. So, God blessed us a second time and Jacob was born. He is my sweet, adorable little baby boy and I never thought I could love another son as much as I love Luke--but of course, I do. However, although I should have been better prepared that having a baby is not all cuddles and sweetness, I was blindsided again.
It started when he was 2 weeks old with us finding blood in his stool. So, we brought countless poop samples to Jake's doc who tested it for everything. Unbelieveably, he tested positive for a staph food poisoning infection. What? How does a 2 week old get that? Well, it likely came from someone's skin or perhaps it was on his own skin and somehow ended up in the poop sample. Seriously? I'm a germaphobe to all who know me well. I wash my hands twice after coming in from the stores, public, etc. You will find hand gel at every sink I own and wet wipes in every vehicle and purse. Yet still, my newborn contracts such an infection. Luckily, no treatment is needed; it's the kind of thing that just clears up on its own.
So, two weeks and five formulas later, we are on the gold standard of formulas--Elecare, which you cannot even buy in the store--it gets delivered to your home. I won't even discuss how much it costs; thank goodness for insurance is all I can say. As that was being resolved, Jake started getting very fussy every single waking moment and THEN, the vomitting started. On the worst day, he vomitted something like 14 times after one feeding. It was horrific. Another doctor's visit and one trip to the radiologist for an Upper GI at MWH later, severe acid reflux was diagnosed. Zantac did nothing for my little guy and a week later, we saw a GI specialist at Children's in WDC, who prescribed prevacid. It took about a week, but the vomitting stopped and now he is just a normal spit-uppy baby! However, the colic still hadn't ceased. Now, most ped doctors agree that the generic term 'colic' usually means that the baby is suffereing from a milk allergy or acid reflux. We had eliminated both of those possibilities with the Elecare formula and the prevacid. It was getting really tough for me since every waking moment was filled with Jake's screaming. The only relief came when he was eating or sleeping. Poor Luke, who has been really great during this, now says, "Jake always crying." I felt horrible because I just wanted Jake to be happy and not feel miserable EVERY moment of his little life; not to mention, I was going insane with all the crying. Unlike with Luke, there was no rhyme or reason to it. Luke cried from 4 pm - 6 pm every day; at least I could expect it. Jake didn't want to be so considerate! I mean, this kid didn't like the swing (and I have 2 different kinds!), the baby bjorn, swaddling, shushing, rocking-NOTHING! The nighttime feedings were also increasing as my sleep and patience were decreasing. Finally, I decided to try Dr. Brown's bottles (at the very gentle reminder from my mom that they worked for Luke). However, I never thought I would need to do that for Jake, prior to his birth. I expected to be able to use plain ole Similac with the easy, cheaper Playtex bottles. Finally, I succumbed to the fact that this is not going to be easy and life does not guarentee you an easy baby. So, we spent the money on the bottles and I figured out a system to make the formula ahead of time (to lessen the bubbles) and hold my breath and pray.
Well, God answered. Jake is doing much better thus far with the premade hypo- allergenic formula and Dr. Brown's bottles AND prevacid. Phew! It's been a long 6 weeks, but this too shall pass, right?
Now, he is a much more smiley baby and fusses maybe only half the time he's awake! :-) I think he senses he can melt my heart with his cute smile; I'm in trouble when he gets older! ;-)
Oh and my salvations for the times that continue to be fussy (b/c he is, after all, still only 6 wks old!)---vibrating bouncy chair; warm bath; and exercise ball. That exercise ball has served me well with my children, if not my weight--it helped me go into labor with Luke and helps me quiet down Jake!
I just said to Andy the other day, "You know, Jake was supposed to be our easy baby--no acid reflux, no colic, no chasing down formulas, no specialists..." Well, there are no guarentees in life and as long as he is generally healthy and continues to grow and thrive, all is good. But, mother nature--do not think you can fool me again. Thank you very much, but we are done having children. Blessed twice is enough for us!
Thursday, April 9, 2009
I Would Trade My Husband For a What?
So, I've gotten caught up in the new book entitled, "I Would Trade My Husband for a Housekeeper". The two (obviously)female authors were on Oprah the other day and while I agree with their sentiment, that motherhood is THE toughest job out there, I can think of lots of other things I might need before a housekeeper--a nanny, a cook, and an organizer, are just a few!
But in all seriousness, I have been blessed with a wonderful husband. One who doesn't mind getting dirty in the trenches with me and who is always encouraging me to take some time for myself. The only problem with all of this is I cannot because I suffer from this self-defeating, invasive disease known as GUILT! No one told me that motherhood encompassed a WORLD filled with guilt. Guilt if I want to eat; guilt if I want to take a shower or sleep or talk on the phone for 10 minutes, or Heaven forbid, go to the bathroom--ALONE!!! As moms, we can experience guilt in just about any situation. It is for this reason, that I cannot simply "ditch" my kids with my wonderful husband for an afternoon of carefree shopping or to sleep away the morning. Instead, I find myself resenting how easily HE is able to get away for a little bit--completly and utterly guilt free! How dare he!
Oh and we don't just feel the guilt that we put on ourselves, we get this guilt from everywhere and everyone. We get it for the choices we make and the choices we don't make. Critics are lurking among topics of breastfeeding vs. bottlefeeding; working outside the home vs. staying at home; co-sleeping vs. independent sleeping, etc. Really, we are our own worst enemies. Instead of saying, well this works best for THIS mom, so that's cool, we (and by "we" I mean everyone-other moms, the media, etc) feel the need to critique and second guess each other. Since motherhood is indeed the toughest, roughest job we'll ever take on, we should be supporting each other not just in the choices we've made, but in overcoming this war on guilt. We should encourage each other to get away for a few moments without feeling that our children will surely end up psychologically damaged; or that it is okay to leave our children in the care of (ghast!) someone other than family members for a little while. Moms need to recharge just like anyone else, and we'll all be happier for it, because as the saying goes, "if mamma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!"
So, in closing, I would NOT trade my husband for a housekeeper; I'll just let him do the housekeeping while I sleep--without feeling one once of guilt! :-)
But in all seriousness, I have been blessed with a wonderful husband. One who doesn't mind getting dirty in the trenches with me and who is always encouraging me to take some time for myself. The only problem with all of this is I cannot because I suffer from this self-defeating, invasive disease known as GUILT! No one told me that motherhood encompassed a WORLD filled with guilt. Guilt if I want to eat; guilt if I want to take a shower or sleep or talk on the phone for 10 minutes, or Heaven forbid, go to the bathroom--ALONE!!! As moms, we can experience guilt in just about any situation. It is for this reason, that I cannot simply "ditch" my kids with my wonderful husband for an afternoon of carefree shopping or to sleep away the morning. Instead, I find myself resenting how easily HE is able to get away for a little bit--completly and utterly guilt free! How dare he!
Oh and we don't just feel the guilt that we put on ourselves, we get this guilt from everywhere and everyone. We get it for the choices we make and the choices we don't make. Critics are lurking among topics of breastfeeding vs. bottlefeeding; working outside the home vs. staying at home; co-sleeping vs. independent sleeping, etc. Really, we are our own worst enemies. Instead of saying, well this works best for THIS mom, so that's cool, we (and by "we" I mean everyone-other moms, the media, etc) feel the need to critique and second guess each other. Since motherhood is indeed the toughest, roughest job we'll ever take on, we should be supporting each other not just in the choices we've made, but in overcoming this war on guilt. We should encourage each other to get away for a few moments without feeling that our children will surely end up psychologically damaged; or that it is okay to leave our children in the care of (ghast!) someone other than family members for a little while. Moms need to recharge just like anyone else, and we'll all be happier for it, because as the saying goes, "if mamma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!"
So, in closing, I would NOT trade my husband for a housekeeper; I'll just let him do the housekeeping while I sleep--without feeling one once of guilt! :-)
Sunday, March 29, 2009
NO more shopping!!!
Haha! So, I go from the shopping madness to none at all! Well, part of that is brought on by necessity since I now have a newborn and cannot drive for another week since I've had a C-Section! So, I have decided to challenge myself and Andy by not stepping into a grocery store for as long as possible. We really have so much food in this house from my OCD stockpiling and obsession with sales. So, other than milk/formula, juice, and some fresh produce, I am not buying ANYTHING in the grocery stores...my goal is 2 weeks. It may require some creativity, but I'm willing and (almost) able! I'll keep my blog updated with my successes/downfalls, as well as how much money we are able to save by doing this!
Welcome Jacob!!
So, my second born is here! He arrived safe and sound on March 19th and we have been home now for a little over a week!! He is just precious and I cannot wait to get to know his little personality! Luke has adapted wonderfully!! He's had the occassional meltdown, but he is really sweet with Jake and just eating up his big brother role! Actually, Luke's main issue is that I cannot do the things I normally do with him due to my C-Section recovery. During my surgery it was discovered that I had A LOT of scar tissue from my FIRST section, so I'm supposed to take it extra easy this time around...easier said than done. It breaks my heart to not be able to lift up my Luke into my arms or into his crib, etc. It's hard for him too, but we'll get there.
While I was pregnant, I struggled with the idea of being able to love TWO children and while I still wonder at it all, there is no doubt how very much I love my 2 sons. Still, it feels differnt in the house now...schedules and roles have changed as we are all adjusting to having a newborn in the house again. And while a part of me still misses the alone time Luke and I shared, I am thrilled to be able to share Jake with him and watch as he grows more and more responsible, caring, and helpful towards me and his little bro! My favorite part of the day is when Jake is alert and just watches Luke play...it is very precious to me. And ah, I cannot wait for the day when they play together...of course, I'm sure there will be fights and I'll have to intervene--but I'm really looking forward to that day! Bring it on!
Andy and I feel very blessed to have two wonderful baby boys (Luke will always be my "baby") and we really feel now that our family is complete...which leaves me as the only girl in the house...which is just PERFECT for me! ;-)
While I was pregnant, I struggled with the idea of being able to love TWO children and while I still wonder at it all, there is no doubt how very much I love my 2 sons. Still, it feels differnt in the house now...schedules and roles have changed as we are all adjusting to having a newborn in the house again. And while a part of me still misses the alone time Luke and I shared, I am thrilled to be able to share Jake with him and watch as he grows more and more responsible, caring, and helpful towards me and his little bro! My favorite part of the day is when Jake is alert and just watches Luke play...it is very precious to me. And ah, I cannot wait for the day when they play together...of course, I'm sure there will be fights and I'll have to intervene--but I'm really looking forward to that day! Bring it on!
Andy and I feel very blessed to have two wonderful baby boys (Luke will always be my "baby") and we really feel now that our family is complete...which leaves me as the only girl in the house...which is just PERFECT for me! ;-)
Sunday, March 8, 2009
The Walgreens Olympics
Let me start by saying that we just recently got a Walgreens in my area, and even then, it is still a good 15-20 minute drive. I would never go there any time other than a Sunday morning, however, due to insane traffic enroute. However, this week they have a Huggies Diapers/Wipes sale I just couldn't pass up. So, four transactions later, here's how I did:
7 Packs of Huggies Diapers
2 Big Refill packs of Wipes
2 Packs of Napkins
1 Bottle of Coffee Mate
2 Boxes of Instant Coffee
2 Lysol Wipes
1 Sambucol
1 Garnier Styling Gel
1 Orajel Toothpaste
2 Bottles of Diet Coke
1 Candy Bar
2 Small Hand Sanitizers
1 Small jar of vaseline
2 Small boxes of Fig Newtons
2 Cans of Butterball Chick Broth
1 Bag of Gerber Yogurt Bites
GRAND TOTAL: Approx $52.00
I am very proud of myself and my wonderful hubby...he helped me do all this craziness! :-)
We also swung by Giant and finished up our grocery shopping...I came in about $9 over budget, but that is okay--THIS TIME! LOL! Once I have Jake, I should be able to shave a few dollars off the budget b/c we are soooo well stocked now! AND, the very best part is, that I don't have to step into a grocery store for AT LEAST 7 more days! Who-hoo!!!
7 Packs of Huggies Diapers
2 Big Refill packs of Wipes
2 Packs of Napkins
1 Bottle of Coffee Mate
2 Boxes of Instant Coffee
2 Lysol Wipes
1 Sambucol
1 Garnier Styling Gel
1 Orajel Toothpaste
2 Bottles of Diet Coke
1 Candy Bar
2 Small Hand Sanitizers
1 Small jar of vaseline
2 Small boxes of Fig Newtons
2 Cans of Butterball Chick Broth
1 Bag of Gerber Yogurt Bites
GRAND TOTAL: Approx $52.00
I am very proud of myself and my wonderful hubby...he helped me do all this craziness! :-)
We also swung by Giant and finished up our grocery shopping...I came in about $9 over budget, but that is okay--THIS TIME! LOL! Once I have Jake, I should be able to shave a few dollars off the budget b/c we are soooo well stocked now! AND, the very best part is, that I don't have to step into a grocery store for AT LEAST 7 more days! Who-hoo!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)