Hey there Stranger!

Well, hello there! I can't believe it's been so long, but it's been just over 2 years has come and gone since I've last updated this blog. I guess I just got busy with life. Right around this time, I started making some very close, simply amazing friends for myself and my boys and playdates and naps ruled our days. Any free time has been devoted to my part time job, a calendar editor for our local parenting magazine. We've been blessed with many opportunities for fun and good health and I'm so grateful for it all. And while I pray it continues, I've realized that I want to continue the journey of my boys' childhood and the victories and struggles that I go through trying to be a good mom to them both. So, whether I have to stay up late, get up early or give up my "Keeping Up with the Kardashians" obsession, I will get better at updating this. Hopefully, someday, they'll want to sit down (maybe with a drink in hand) and dive into the crazy, fun, tumultuous story of their childhood--at least from their mom's perspective!

School Daze

It's the week after Labor Day and here in Stafford County, VA that means first week of back to school!!! Of course, neither Luke nor Jake are in school, so this doesn't really mean much to me except that I now need to time my errands around school bus drop offs. For Luke and Jake it means the excitement of watching the bus come to our street every morning and late afternoon. However, for many of my mommy friends and family members, it means FREEDOM. My Facebook homepage has been flooded with status updates from my mommy friends who are sending their little ones (and not so little ones) off to school this week; some for the first time. For the past few weeks, I've noticed the updates about how they can't wait until their kids are back in school and how the fighting between siblings has just been too much all summer and how they long for school days to begin. But now, now that it is actually here, the tears are pouring from these very same mommies! They bravely put their little ones on the bus and then walk, seemingly heavy hearted back into their empty, quiet house. Perhaps I should pause for a moment of revered respect for these two qualities.

Okay. Now for me, well, I watch with a heavy heart of my own, as I break up another fight between Luke and Jake and wonder if that day will ever come. I feel almost jealous of these mommies who get 8 whole hours to themselves. Oh, the things I could accomplish in that time, a whole five days a week; my house would be sparkling,dinner would be simmering, my errands done in record time, and oh so many home projects that have gone by the wayside in my daily attempts to just keep us all healthy and surviving! Yet, here I am, changing my third poopy diaper of the day because Jake has decided he wants to finish his first one in a fresh diaper; I've poured about 5 cups of milk already; and I've broken up three times as many fights! And it's only 10 am time!

During these early weeks of back to school, I dream about the day when I get to send my two boys off to school for the day and back into MY empty, quiet house. It's the only thing that really gets me through these early school days. This is not to say that I do not LOVE being able to stay at home with my boys. Quite the contrary; but I must be honest when I say that is harder than any other job I've EVER had and twice as tiring and three times as stressful. And I don't get sick days or vacation time to get away and clear my head. I don't get lunch breaks or bathroom breaks or coffee breaks. Most days I'm lucky if I get to finish my coffee before it has turned stone cold...and this is AFTER reheating it three separate times. Of course, there is no other way I'd have it. After all, these are my children and we are fortunate enough to have me stay home at with them full time and I love this great blessing. And I DO love watching them grow and hearing all the funny things Luke says and watching the sweet, albeit, short-lived moments that my boys play nicely together and hearing them giggle over some silly secret. This is what makes all the hard times so worth it. But I can still have my own silly secrets and dreams of some peace and quiet.

So four years from now, when BOTH my boys are in school full time, remind me that I said there would be no tears...and then, please be kind enough to hand me a tissue!!!

Tearing Down and Building Up

I've often described Luke to people--family, friends, and strangers alike as 'shy', 'attached', or 'introverted'. Now, I KNOW you are not supposed to label children and put tags on their personality, especially not in front of them. However, I found myself doing this in many settings, most often to excuse his reticent behavior, such as why he was wrapped around my leg at the park or why he refused to leave my lap at a playdate. However, a friend recently reminded me that labeling our children is doing them a disservice. By labeling Luke, I've let him down and if he ever heard me, while I'm sure he doesn't know what "introverted" means, I'm sure he could sense the apologetic disappointment in my voice. I feel terrible about this and can only hope to make it up to him from now on. After all, when you know better, you can do better.

And as for Luke, well, whether he understood the labels I put on him or not, has risen to the occassion and has torn those labels apart one by one. There is a strength in my little guy that I underestimated. When I decided to enroll Luke in a gymnastics class at The Little Gym with his best friend, Tyler, I was scared and anxious about this beyond belief. I had nightmares the night before his first class of Luke just screaming and crying and refusing to leave my side. However, that morning, I put my anxieties aside and acted brave for Luke. And you know, he didn't disappoint. Now, for the first class, I had to stay in the room by the wall, but as he got more and more comfortable, I could move farther and farther away until I was outside the room, looking in. After that first class, I haven't had to go inside once! Last week, I even left the building to deal with Jake's temper tantrum (but that's another story!) Luke didn't even notice I was gone! I guess I just had to give Luke the chance and the opportunity to take life by the horns and go. And go he did, beyond my wildest expectations.

My intent for the class was to work on Luke's separation anxiety. However, the best thing about this class was unexpected and overlooked by me--Luke's self-confidence in himself and his pure enjoyment in the class. Now, a gymnast, my son, is most certainly not. This can most likely be blamed on genetics, as I haven't been able to touch my toes since I was a baby and even as a former cheerleader, I couldn't and still cannot even master a simple cart wheel. However, he does not even notice this. He simply laughs and gives it his all every class. He talks about his excitement at jumping off the mats and swinging from the bar; but doesn't even mention how he can't walk the balance beam all that great yet, nor has he mastered flipping himself over the bar. But these are minor details to me and to him. When he runs out of class happy and excited, my heart swells with pride and joy as I realize that my little boy has accomplished so much more than I could have dreamed. And that is when I promise myself, that I will never shortchange this little guy again, for he is capable of so many great things and ripe with potential--and I cannot wait to discover it all with him.

Surrendering

Ok, so just to quickly update....

Have you ever tried to fight a 3 year old?? I wouldn't recommend it. Because you'll lose. Every single time. So now that my nerves and worry have ceased somewhat, I've just decided to let go the whole food issue with Luke. I did some research (since that's my specialty!!) and found out that no one out there really seems to recommend forcing ANY type of food on kids--not even fruit and veggies. So, I'll just have to keep sneaking his fruit/veggies into his foods in whatever way that I can. And of course, I'll keep on offering and putting the foods on his plate and just hope that one day he decides to be adventurous. At least he takes a really good multi vitamin and appears to be growing healthy and strong. So for now anyways, I'm waving the white flag. I'm sure there will be plenty of "battles" in our future, so I'm not going to waste my energy with this one, since I'm not going to win anyways.

As for potty training, well, we're done for now. I've simply told him we'll try again later, which he was most optimistic about. "Yes, Mommy, tomorrow I'll go potty" Except that to my 3 year old, tomorrow is probably more like "next year"!!! I've accepted the fact that a September 2010 enrollment into pre-school may not happen. And that's okay (sort of). As long as we can make it into kindegarten on time, I'll be happy!

And I'm just throwing this out there. But how can Luke look exactly like his father, in every single way--even down to his adorable dimples, but on the inside be NOTHING like him?? Seriously, on the inside, he is all Mama. So, I guess it's to be expected that we'll be butting heads from time to time. And besides inheriting my slightly OCD-ish and stubborn, opionated behavior, at least I can see the good he's gotten too--like a really big heart, a curious mind, a silly personality, and such a pure sweetness that even I am not sure where it came from. Now, who am I to argue with that?

Game On!

Today is one of those days. One of those days in which every single thing you do as a parent seems to just blow up in your face. I know what I'm supposed to do. I know how I'm supposed to act. But I just don't want to. What I want to do is start throwing things and screaming. This is what my children do when they are really upset and I can understand now why it is so appealing!! But, alas, I'm the adult, the parent and I must (try) to keep my cool and deal with this frustration in other ways. I'm still trying to figure that one out too.

I've been talking to Luke about potty training for months now. We've bought the potty, the underwear, the pull-ups, all the prizes, redecorated the bathroom; even letting him help pick out the decor. All to no avail. He understands what it is he is supposed to do. He just refuses to do it. And this frustrates me to no end. Also, I must admit, I'm feeling some pressure to get this done by late August so he can go to pre-school. He must be *mostly* potty trained in order to go to school--meaning, absolutely no diapers. I'm sure we could get away with pull-ups, but Luke will not even let me near him to get one on--despite the fact that we have them in his favorite characters--Disney's Cars.

He was perfectly happy to run around sans any type of diaper, pull-up, or underwear at all this morning. Until he had to pee. Then he got all squirmy and started to pee on the kitchen floor. I ran him to the potty but he stopped peeing and just started flailing, back arching--until it was impossible for me to hold him in the bathroom any longer. So, I just sighed, cleaned up the mess and got him a diaper. Score one for Luke today.

Next up-snack time. Luke has never been a great eater. In previous posts, I've mentioned his food texture issue and while we've gotten over this, Luke does not want to eat fruits and veggies. He will eat most anything else--protein and carbs are not a problem. However, he's old enough now that I insist he eat what I give him or no snacks, milk, or dessert. I'm working on fruits first. My pedi told me that as long as he eats a nice variety of fruits, the veggies are no big deal right now. Sounds good to me. While Luke usually will eat bananas and apples, lately he's been refusing them. So, for the past couple of weeks, I've insisted he eat them BOTH before any other snack and it has worked great--until today. (My plan for the future weeks will be to add strawberries, blueberries, and oranges as they come into season.) Today, he ate a few pieces and decided that was it. So in the trash they went--despite warnings that there would be nothing else all day except for his main meals. The child doesn't care. He will go to bed "hungry" and doesn't throw a fit. That is, until 6 am the next morning when he wakes me up proclaiming he is "starving". Well, from now on, if he doesn't eat the fruit the day before, he will see it at breakfast and then again at lunch and then at dinner until he eats the darned fruit! My pedi has also assured me that kids will not "starve" themselves and that he will eat when he is ready. Okay, so game on. I mean, seriously, I've talked mentally ill people out of commiting suicide and yet I'm failing at getting my three year old to pee in the potty and eat sweet, sugar filled fruit! Luke may not be out of diapers in time for pre-school, but he will be eating fruit like a champ by the end of the summer--come hell or high water--and I'm ready for both!

Until then, I think I'll eat some chocolate and drink some red wine, as that is certainly a most grown-up way to deal with all these frustrations!! ;-)

Standing Up

Jacob turns ONE tomorrow! I cannot believe it...my little baby has grown into such a handsome, strong, sweet soon to be toddler (he's cruising, so hopefully the walking will come soon!) However, while I could go on and on about how adorable and awesome he is, my point of this post is to talk about Jake's one year well visit tomorrow with his pediatrician.

My previous "Mother Warriors" post was primarily made to remind me to be strong for Jake tomorrow at his doctor visit. While I respect and absolutely adore his pediatrician, she is of course, very much pro-vaccines and well, I'm not so sure I am anymore. Nothing has specifically happened to change my views, but when I think back to the issues both of my boys have/had, it makes me wonder. It's also not that I'm afraid of autism. What I've come to fear are all the chemicals that we, as a society, inject into our tiny babies and growing toddlers. It's the allergies, ADHD, asthma, and increasing number of intestinal issues that our littles ones are developing that has me worried. Both my children have had severe acid reflux and oral aversion/texture issues with food. While Luke has overcome this (mostly!), I'm just now going through it with Jacob and it is no picnic. It's hard and trying and frustrating--for both of us. Jake took things one step further and developed a dairy/soy allergy at just 2 weeks old. While his little body has overcome that recently too (thanks in part to a very special formula), there is NO doubt in my mind now that the Hepatitis B vaccine that he received as a 12 hour old infant caused this allergy. It makes me sick to think that I could have prevented his pain if I had just done a little more research.

I was always VERY pro-vaccine. I mean, I'm a germaphobe, of course I am supposed to support vaccines. And admittedly, I will likely always vaccinate my children against the flu and H1N1 and believe me, if there were a vaccine for the stomach virus, I'd be the FIRST person in line! However, I do not see a need to vaccinate infants against a sexually transmitted disease at 12 hours old, unless the mother (or someone the baby lives with) is Hep B positive. I also do not believe that injecting our babies/toddlers with chemicals, such as aluminum, is safe or beneficial for their immune systems. As such, I will be very selective as to which vaccines my children get from here on in.

I blame myself for not researching the information, from BOTH sides, until now. When I had Luke, I was overwhelmed as a first time mom and just thought that vaccines were absolutely necessary and my doctor would never steer me wrong, blah blah. With Jake, I was so very tired and worn down with all his issues (the allergy and reflux, not to meniton the colic) and the newness of balancing life with an infant and a toddler, that again, I just went with the flow. But not now. Now I have researched and will continue to do so and I will stand my viewpoint, while continuing to respect our pedicatirician's. After all,, she is simply stating her very smart, very well trained and experienced opinion. I, on the other hand, only have my mommy intuition and gut to go by. It has been proven right before and so I will follow it.

Where was this intuition when I had Luke? I just don't know. Luke has been fully vaccinated. The relux is gone and as I've stated, we've mostly combatted the food texture issue, and have replaced it with the picky pre-schooler attitude. Jake up until this point, has also followed the schedule. However, we will no longer be doing that. The MMR will be postponed until he enters school and everything else will have it's own time and place that I will determine.

I also want to add that I would always respect whatever choices other parents make when it comes to vaccines. I don't believe in blaming or making judgements towards any parent--after all, they and only they know what it best for their children. I guess that is my whole point here. Sometimes, parents know best; not doctors and the pharmaceutical companies. And again, I want to stress that I'm not jumping on the anti-vaccine, let's blame it all on the shots wagon. Rather, I'm trying to eliminate as many unnecessary chemicals as I possibly can from my children. Yes, they are everywhere, but whatever I can do, I will. And while we cannot afford to go completely all organic, we will make sacrifices for the really important stuff, that my family eats alot of, such as apples, berries, and lettuce; for this, I will always try to do organic. We will be investing in a garden for the first time this year and I'm really excited about that. I am not going to be a crazy mom who won't let her kid eat pizza, cake, or Chick-fil-A (Heavens, no!), but when I can do better, I will do better for them and for me. But I must confess that french fries (albeit, organic if possible!) and chocolate will always be on my menu and likely on my children's menus as well...after all, life would not be nearly as enjoyable without them!

Mother Warriors

"A mother warrior is a mother who hears there is no hope for her child, and instead of retreating and mourning, breaks down walls, weaves her way through obstacles, follows her intuition even when people tell her she is crazy. She is a mother who believes in hope. A mother who believes in miracles and is able to carry on with strength and determination, even when her partner doubts her and offers her no support. A mother who never gives up, even when she keeps hitting dead ends. These are the women who will continue to open the door so future generations of children don't have to suffer. These are the mothers with hearts of gold and shields made of the strongest armor."

~Jenny McCarthy in her book, "Mother Warriors"~


Enough said.