So, 24 more days until we welcome our second son, Jake, into our home. I'm getting very excited to finally meet this little guy! However, it took me about 7 months to actually get excited...despite the fact that we tried for 10 long months and really want this baby, I felt a little sad about losing my one on one time with Luke, my firstborn son. Sometimes, when I'm playing with Luke and listening to his giggles, I find myself thinking, 'only 24 more days of just the 2 of us'. Ever since I left my job at the end of May to stay at home with him full time, he and I have become even closer! I love our time together and it pulls at my heart to know that I won't be able to give him my 100% attention all the time. Is it really possible to have enough love for two children? Yes, I know it be true, technically, but to experience it myself...well, that is completely different. I've seen my own mother do it THREE times over...it is simply amazing. The following quote perfectly describes my feelings, so I want to document it here...
For Mothers of Two or More...by Unknown
As I walk along holding your 2 1/2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: How could I ever love another child as I love you?
Then she is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you've never shared me before. I hear you telling me in your own way, "Please love only me." And I hear myself telling you in mine, "I can't," Knowing in fact, that I never can again. You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.
But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I'm afraid to let you see me enjoying her-- as though I am betraying you. But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection. More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast. But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just us two. There are new times -- only now, we are three. I watch the look between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other. I watch how she adores you -- as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of her new accomplishments.
And I begin to realize that I haven't taken something from you, I've given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you. I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you -- only differently. And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you'll never share my love. There's enough of that for both of you -- you each have your own supply. I love you -- both. And I thank you both for blessing my life.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Honor thy Mother and Father
...but did the 10 Commandments ever say anything about fathers-in-law??? I hope not, because surely I'm going to be in some big trouble. I just cannot do it anymore. I try. I really have tried. Every time we see him I pray for peace and strength and promise myself that I will excuse every stupid, inconsiderate thing he says for the sake of my husband and my child-soon to be children. But ya know what? I'm sick of it. I'm not going to let guilt consume anymore about this. I don't have to like him. I will never try to keep my husband or children from him--he is their father/grandfather and he is not an evil, bad person. We just don't click and his comments absolutely drive me crazy. The kind of crazy where I just become a different person.
Last night after dinner, he and Andy were going to eat a yummy looking cake that my husband made the night before. I opted to have my carefully measured 1/2 cup of Edy's light ice cream. My father in law looks at me and says, "Ice cream is fattening." I looked right back at him and said, "This kind isn't" and he said, "Yeah it is....there's all that sugar!" Ok, go ahead and keep eating that cake with the pound of frosting on it--much better for you! Argh! I should mention that I am 17.5 weeks pregnant and feeling HUGE....okay, enough with the fat comments to the pregnant lady, okay? Last time I was pregnant with Luke, I was eating a burger and fries at a restaurant and he called me "a chow hound"...This morning he told me I should do some exercises more often! And all he can talk about is how good it is that Luke "exercises" and that we should make sure he keeps it up! IT"S CALLED PLAYING NOT EXERCISING!!!!! Serenity now please! Can you tell I haven't let this stuff go?? Hence, the aforementioned bottled up guilt...spilling out now at a pace I cannot control.
Okay, I feel a little better now. Only a little. After all, I still have one and a half days to go. Please God, grant me strength and oh, just a little bit of that trait I never did find--patience.
Last night after dinner, he and Andy were going to eat a yummy looking cake that my husband made the night before. I opted to have my carefully measured 1/2 cup of Edy's light ice cream. My father in law looks at me and says, "Ice cream is fattening." I looked right back at him and said, "This kind isn't" and he said, "Yeah it is....there's all that sugar!" Ok, go ahead and keep eating that cake with the pound of frosting on it--much better for you! Argh! I should mention that I am 17.5 weeks pregnant and feeling HUGE....okay, enough with the fat comments to the pregnant lady, okay? Last time I was pregnant with Luke, I was eating a burger and fries at a restaurant and he called me "a chow hound"...This morning he told me I should do some exercises more often! And all he can talk about is how good it is that Luke "exercises" and that we should make sure he keeps it up! IT"S CALLED PLAYING NOT EXERCISING!!!!! Serenity now please! Can you tell I haven't let this stuff go?? Hence, the aforementioned bottled up guilt...spilling out now at a pace I cannot control.
Okay, I feel a little better now. Only a little. After all, I still have one and a half days to go. Please God, grant me strength and oh, just a little bit of that trait I never did find--patience.
Friday, October 10, 2008
Lions, Tigers, Bears, and Apples
Last weekend, Andy and I decided to jaunt on up to Boston for a weekend of apple picking and zoo visiting. Of course, a trip to Boston is far from a "jaunt"; rather it is 9 long hours driven overnight, no less. So, why would we embrace this madness for just 2.5 days?? Well, quite simply, we love the tradition of apple picking--we always get such nice pictures--and it's always so much nicer to do traditional type things with one's family. So, off to Boston we went. And I'm so happy and grateful that we did.
Upon pulling up to my parents' home, Luke started screeching with excitment and calling out his cousin's name, "Nanni!!!!" Once out of the car, it was obvious he had not forgotten the month he spent living there just 3 weeks earlier. He walked up to that door like he owned it! Yes, surviving on 3 hours sleep was definately worth it already.
Over the course of the next 2 days, we would visit a zoo in Providence, go apple picking, and drive 9 hours back home to Virginia! Talk about a busy weekend. While there were no lions or tigers, there was ONE bear and Luke and his cousins simply had a blast at the zoo. It was a perfect, crisp autumn day in New England. Luke just ran around screaming with joy and excitment. Needless to say, his first visit to a zoo was a success!
While our apple picking day almost got rained out, we weren't going to let a few clouds and some mud stop us from consuming caramel apples, cider donuts, and of course, the ardous task of carrying home 20 lbs of apples!
The afternoon only got better when we arrived home just in time to watch the Patriots play San Diego and WIN! What a great weekend...who could ask for anything more? And despite the fact that by the time we arrived in Baltimore, with 2 hours still to go, Andy and I both looked at each other and said, "are we home, yet?", we know we'd do it all over again in a heartbeat...and knowing us, we soon will!!
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Missing Boston
So, it's been just over one week since the Pecher family arrived back "home" in Virginia. Luke and I were fortunate enough to spend one whole month with my family in Boston while Andy "slaved" away working at both polititical conventions in Denver and St. Paul. I must say that I missed our cats, but that's about it! Although I was miserable and suffering from morning sickness, Luke had a blast. He got to know his cousins more and they just played all day long. They would run themselves out chasing each other, playing outside, or fighting over Thomas the Engine trains.
There are some special moments from that month that I like to play over in my head. For instance, one morning, big cousin Ari brought out her water colors to play with. Luke, not one to be left out, hopped up on Papa's lap and went to town. When he was finished, he proudly took his masterpiece, walked over to me, and handed it to me with the biggest smile. He felt so proud and my heart felt full. He is such a cutie.
We were lucky enough to be able to see Ari off on her very first day of school. She was very excited to get on that school bus and Luke and their other cousin, Nolan, were excited as well. Luke loves school buses. He screams with delight every single time he sees one and this time was no different. Now that we are back in VA, whenever he sees the bus, he still sometimes calls out "Nanni!" (his own little name for Ari). Makes me sad.
One of Nolan's favorite things in the world are his Thomas trains. Luke has picked up on this. Now, whenever Luke sees one or hears one as we are walking outside, he says, "Choo choo--Nanu" (again, his own little name for Nolan). Too precious. Ah, but those two are just one year apart and I know when they get older they are going to stir up some trouble together! LOL Just ask Grammie what happend to her computer when the two of them were left to their own devices!!
I know they say that home is where you hang your hat, but to me, home is where your heart is and mine is still in Boston.
There are some special moments from that month that I like to play over in my head. For instance, one morning, big cousin Ari brought out her water colors to play with. Luke, not one to be left out, hopped up on Papa's lap and went to town. When he was finished, he proudly took his masterpiece, walked over to me, and handed it to me with the biggest smile. He felt so proud and my heart felt full. He is such a cutie.
We were lucky enough to be able to see Ari off on her very first day of school. She was very excited to get on that school bus and Luke and their other cousin, Nolan, were excited as well. Luke loves school buses. He screams with delight every single time he sees one and this time was no different. Now that we are back in VA, whenever he sees the bus, he still sometimes calls out "Nanni!" (his own little name for Ari). Makes me sad.
One of Nolan's favorite things in the world are his Thomas trains. Luke has picked up on this. Now, whenever Luke sees one or hears one as we are walking outside, he says, "Choo choo--Nanu" (again, his own little name for Nolan). Too precious. Ah, but those two are just one year apart and I know when they get older they are going to stir up some trouble together! LOL Just ask Grammie what happend to her computer when the two of them were left to their own devices!!
I know they say that home is where you hang your hat, but to me, home is where your heart is and mine is still in Boston.
Friday, September 19, 2008
Blog Fever
Ok, so it all started very innocently, as I perused a couple of savvy couponing moms' blogs for steals and deals. Shortly therafter, it spread to the occassional reading of my friends' blogs and now I'm just full blown addicted to it! So, I've decided to buckle down and just do this! After all, I've tackled MySpace and Facebook, so surely I can handle this too!
I think the reason I've become so addicted to this, is that I love being able to look inside the small window of the lives of my friends--something that you don't always get via an email or even a phone call. They have provided their audience with something special when they put their thoughts out there and I think that's wonderful.
Also, as time slips past me and my little boy is almost 20 months old, I wonder what happened to that tiny baby I held? Now, he is off and running and developing his own little personality. Almost daily, I try and remind myself of his "firsts" so that it stays ingrained and unchanged in my memory forever. So, what better place to document such thoughts than a blog, in which technology can save my memories even when I fail to!
So, here it goes! I cannot promise that everything I write will make sense, but I can promise that it will all be written from the heart! Enjoy!!
I think the reason I've become so addicted to this, is that I love being able to look inside the small window of the lives of my friends--something that you don't always get via an email or even a phone call. They have provided their audience with something special when they put their thoughts out there and I think that's wonderful.
Also, as time slips past me and my little boy is almost 20 months old, I wonder what happened to that tiny baby I held? Now, he is off and running and developing his own little personality. Almost daily, I try and remind myself of his "firsts" so that it stays ingrained and unchanged in my memory forever. So, what better place to document such thoughts than a blog, in which technology can save my memories even when I fail to!
So, here it goes! I cannot promise that everything I write will make sense, but I can promise that it will all be written from the heart! Enjoy!!
Battling Torticollis-Part 1
Luke was born a healthy 9 lbs, 7 oz, and from the start was great at eating and pooping and even sleeping! However, six weeks after his birth, reality hit me. His wonderful pediatrician confirmed that Luke had congenital torticollis or "tort" for short. I know, I had never heard of such a thing and it sounds dreadful. It really isn't. Basically, it means, "crooked neck." Most likely, due to Luke's large size and my rather small uterus size, Luke simply got crowded in the womb and as a result his SCM shoulder muscle tightened up, causing him to tilt his neck to the left--ALL THE TIME! And while this can affect any number of skills, such as walking and running and even eating, it should not bring the devastation or the despair that so many other sicknesses and disorders can bring upon a family. After all, he could see and hear and his motor strength proved to be very strong. He cooed and smiled and interacted with others perfectly. However, that is exactly how I felt--devastated and in despair.
Our next step was the long journey of physical therapy. From 8 weeks of age until he was a year old, Luke received PT from Early Intervention, from a Pediatric PT Hospital, and at the worst of times, from BOTH. Luke is a stubborn little boy (like his mama!) and most of the PT is parent-reliant, meaning, Andy and I were responsible for conducting his shoulder stretches all day and every day. Luke HATED it--he screamed and cried every time. Inside, I was screaming and crying as well. It was horrible to watch my tiny baby go through this. This was a battle I was just not up for and I admit that sometimes I just felt sorry for myself. However, I always managed to buck up and get him the help he needed to outgrow this. I threw myself into Internet research, visited various specialists all throughout Richmond and even contemplated traveling to Atlanta for a surgical solution.
Then, our miracle happened. In mid-October, at 9 months old, Luke got the chicken pox! This in itself was unbelievable to all, including his pediatrician. Neither his daycare, nor the PT Hospital reported any outbreaks. To this day, we do not know where Luke caught this. Anyways, at the time, Luke was undergoing his most intense and frequent PT sessions, as his progress was not improving as it should be. However, due to his little body being covered in chicken pox, not only was he out of PT for awhile, we had to put a hold on the at-home stretches as well, so as not to exacerbate any discomfort from the chicken pox. While I was somewhat relieved at the break, I worried what the absence in PT would bring for Luke. BUT lo and behold, after two weeks of no stretching, I realized that Luke was not tilting his head nearly as often and that I could even see the left side of his neck, something that was so precious to me, as it was always scrunched up. I couldn't believe it. We raced Luke back down to Richmond to see his orthopedist, who also marveled at the change. He credits the break in the PT, I credit God for "blessing" us with the chicken pox so that we could all slow down enough to pause the PT in the first place. For I, certainly, would never on my own have stopped it. I was so determined to "fix" him, that I went into overdrive trying to get him all the help he needed. In addition to my own determination, his physical therapists, orthopedist, and pediatrician all urged us to extend his PT sessions and to work harder at home with him. Thankfully, the Good Lord stepped in and straightened us all out--literally and figuratively. And today, Luke can walk and run with the best of them. And while you might never know he suffered from torticollis, I will never forget the journey, nor take for granted his ability to run around like crazy! Run, Luke, Run!
To this day, I STILL look at the perfect straightness of his neck with complete adoration. My favorite thing to do is to kiss the left side, as for so many months, it was off limits. I never knew how silly a mother could get over her son's neck! Despite his chubby cheeks and irresistible dimples, his neck is my favorite spot to plant a kiss! And it always brings delightful giggles from Luke!!
Our next step was the long journey of physical therapy. From 8 weeks of age until he was a year old, Luke received PT from Early Intervention, from a Pediatric PT Hospital, and at the worst of times, from BOTH. Luke is a stubborn little boy (like his mama!) and most of the PT is parent-reliant, meaning, Andy and I were responsible for conducting his shoulder stretches all day and every day. Luke HATED it--he screamed and cried every time. Inside, I was screaming and crying as well. It was horrible to watch my tiny baby go through this. This was a battle I was just not up for and I admit that sometimes I just felt sorry for myself. However, I always managed to buck up and get him the help he needed to outgrow this. I threw myself into Internet research, visited various specialists all throughout Richmond and even contemplated traveling to Atlanta for a surgical solution.
Then, our miracle happened. In mid-October, at 9 months old, Luke got the chicken pox! This in itself was unbelievable to all, including his pediatrician. Neither his daycare, nor the PT Hospital reported any outbreaks. To this day, we do not know where Luke caught this. Anyways, at the time, Luke was undergoing his most intense and frequent PT sessions, as his progress was not improving as it should be. However, due to his little body being covered in chicken pox, not only was he out of PT for awhile, we had to put a hold on the at-home stretches as well, so as not to exacerbate any discomfort from the chicken pox. While I was somewhat relieved at the break, I worried what the absence in PT would bring for Luke. BUT lo and behold, after two weeks of no stretching, I realized that Luke was not tilting his head nearly as often and that I could even see the left side of his neck, something that was so precious to me, as it was always scrunched up. I couldn't believe it. We raced Luke back down to Richmond to see his orthopedist, who also marveled at the change. He credits the break in the PT, I credit God for "blessing" us with the chicken pox so that we could all slow down enough to pause the PT in the first place. For I, certainly, would never on my own have stopped it. I was so determined to "fix" him, that I went into overdrive trying to get him all the help he needed. In addition to my own determination, his physical therapists, orthopedist, and pediatrician all urged us to extend his PT sessions and to work harder at home with him. Thankfully, the Good Lord stepped in and straightened us all out--literally and figuratively. And today, Luke can walk and run with the best of them. And while you might never know he suffered from torticollis, I will never forget the journey, nor take for granted his ability to run around like crazy! Run, Luke, Run!
To this day, I STILL look at the perfect straightness of his neck with complete adoration. My favorite thing to do is to kiss the left side, as for so many months, it was off limits. I never knew how silly a mother could get over her son's neck! Despite his chubby cheeks and irresistible dimples, his neck is my favorite spot to plant a kiss! And it always brings delightful giggles from Luke!!
Battling Tort-Part 2
Fast forward a few months. With the tort resolved, our attention could now focus on the unending, severe ear infections Luke was suffering. It got to the point that he had one every other week. Antibiotics were no longer working and we knew it was time to get tubes put in. Now, a new piece of info for the puzzle. Due to the torticollis, Luke's left ear is slightly misshapen. His neck was hunched up to his ear for so long, that it's growth is behind that of his right ear. Luke's wonderful and compassionate ENT doctor could not say for sure if the ear infectins were related to it, but assured us that by the age of 5 (when our ears stop growing!!) if Luke's left ear has not caught up to his right one, there are very easy surgeries that can fix it. Oy vey!! Anyways, back to Richmond, where Luke had tubes put in both ears and removed some pretty large adenoids. Almost five months later and he is doing beautifully!
But the tort journey still hadn't ended. Since he was a little baby, Luke has suffered and STILL suffers from silent reflux. It was a long few weeks until we realized what he was suffering from. His prevacid now controls the pain and has worked wonders for him. Yet, we were faced with a chicken and egg question. The medical industry does not know if the tort caused the relux or the other way around. Many other parents of children with tort report severe incidences of reflux. I guess until there is ANY testing for torticollis in utero, we will never know.
But the tort journey still hadn't ended. Since he was a little baby, Luke has suffered and STILL suffers from silent reflux. It was a long few weeks until we realized what he was suffering from. His prevacid now controls the pain and has worked wonders for him. Yet, we were faced with a chicken and egg question. The medical industry does not know if the tort caused the relux or the other way around. Many other parents of children with tort report severe incidences of reflux. I guess until there is ANY testing for torticollis in utero, we will never know.
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